What happened when one couple decided to try out an open relationship? It didn’t end well…
This month, a 37-year-old woman (not pictured above) took to the popular Reddit thread “Am I The A**hole” to ask for advice about a problem in her open relationship. She explained that she and her boyfriend (not pictured above), who is also 37, have been dating for over three years. According to the social media user, it is a “healthy,” “independent” romance, and she doesn’t “really have any complaints.” However, what “startled” her was that he suddenly wanted a change earlier this year.
The woman explained that six months ago, he told her he wanted to “open the relationship up, meaning going on dates and sleeping with other women.” She admitted she had never been in that kind of dynamic before and “had a lot of questions for him.” As anyone would! When the boyfriend said she also could go on dates and sleep with other men, she was “a little skeptical” and needed some time to think about it. But “after doing some research,” the woman eventually agreed.
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The couple went on to set up some boundaries, of course. The boyfriend insisted that if she ever became uncomfortable with the new dynamic, they “could stop and close the relationship up again.” They also agreed not to share any details about what they were doing and with whom they were doing it. And off they went!
In the post, the woman told users she joined a dating app and got over 500 likes within a few days. Wow! She began going on dates, on average around one or two a month, and she “regularly” dated and hooked up with other people in similar dynamics. And after a while, she found she really enjoyed all this! She wrote:
“I quite like the fact that everything is non-committal, so even though I was skeptical at first, I am enjoying the open relationship!”
Good for her!
The woman didn’t tell her boyfriend about anything, per their agreement. However, when she was over his house one day, he found out all about her dates, and all hell broke loose. She explained that her phone was on the kitchen counter, and he saw her notifications. So what does he do? He goes through and reads all her messages, including the ones through the dating app, and he “was angry” about what he saw.
First off, going through her phone like that without permission is a complete invasion of privacy! Second of all, he can’t be pissed at her for going on dates when HE is the one who asked to open the relationship and agreed they BOTH can see other people!
But that moment is when she found out about his true motivation for an open relationship. The woman claimed:
“Turns out he opened the relationship up to take out on a date a younger colleague at his work place, who misread his idea of a ‘date’ as just a work lunch. He then openly told me that he wanted to see if it would work with her so he could ultimately leave me for her.”
You break up with your girlfriend if you’re interested in dating someone else! You don’t string her along! That is so f**ked up! The other woman apparently had no interest in him… nor did anyone else! The Reddit user continued:
“However, she didn’t want him and it seems like… no one else did either. In the last 6 months he’s had a few rough dates but no one additional to sleep with.”
Ha. Karma.
Still, the woman expressed that she feels “somewhat embarrassed for him.”
Uh, she shouldn’t. He has no one but himself to blame.
Per the post, the boyfriend then demanded to “ instantly close the relationship up.” She wasn’t down for that, though. The woman said she told him they should either end things or take a break. He didn’t like those options, becoming “outraged” and calling her names. Gross.
Quite honestly, the boyfriend has no right to be upset because, again, HE opened up the relationship. What did he expect her to do? Not try it out? Sit at home while he went out and hooked up with others? No. Now, he wants to close it up and stay with her because he doesn’t have as many dates as she does. No way.
The woman said she left and walked home, debating whether to break it off with him. She also noted that “he’s been blowing my phone up and I’m not quite sure what to say” before asking “AITA?”
She is in no way, shape, or form here the a**hole. And if she wants our advice, DUMP HIM! Don’t stick with a man who only opened up the relationship to test things out with another woman, and if it worked out, planned to break up with you. Oh, and then getting mad at you for getting with more people than him. It’s not worth the time or energy to close the relationship and try to fix the damage. Trust us.
What are YOUR thoughts, Perezcious readers? Sound OFF in the comments!
[Image via Splitsville/Neon]
